Alive
by Ami Angel
Summary: Yamato won't see his best friend anymore, and he won't visit Taichi one last time. Yamato POV on Taichi and their friendship.


Dunno why I'm writing this exactly….I haven't written anything since last summer and haven't posted or finished anything for a long, long time. But it's spring break and I guess I was inspired? This takes place sometime when Yamato is in high school or middle school somewhere. 02 may or may not have happened; it doesn't matter because it has nothing to do with this story. It rambles a little, but since it's a person's thoughts, that makes sense…heaven knows I ramble all the time in my thoughts. It sounds rather like it, but this isn't shounen ai, just best friendship. There's no real point to this story really…some things everyone should know. I also never said what's happened or what's wrong with Taichi…I didn't think it was necessary. You decide. Last but not least, it's quite obvious I don't own Digimon.

Alive

I don't remember you at all in elementary school. We must have gone to the same school, I just never saw you. Not until our summer "trip". You know what? I'm glad it all happened, even the sad things, the bad things. I'm glad I met you. Funny isn't it? In the beginning, I couldn't stand you. You were everything I wasn't, you had everything I didn't. I thought you even had my little brother's heart and hated you for it, like a selfish child who jealously guards everything that belongs to him. All along I thought you were the selfish one, the thoughtless and self-centered one. I was wrong…even when I knew it, I denied it. I couldn't believe that you could possibly be a wonderful person. But you were…you never looked down on me. In fact, you never looked down on anyone. You treated everyone like they were the same as you. I liked that, even if I didn't see it at the time. You were a leader, you expected to be followed, but it was all for the good of "the group". I think it's only because of you that all of us came back to the real world, to live our normal lives day after day. You would deny it, saying it was all of us working together, and it was, but…we followed you, and you took us home. Home. The place we laugh, hang out, go to school together.

But when I go to school tomorrow, you won't be there.

It'll be weird. You were always in the halls, in one way or another, laughing or talking or playing around. In some way, you gave the school life, for me at least, filling it with noise and your very presence. And tomorrow…it'll feel empty. All the other people will be dull and colorless, not half as _alive_ as you were. Maybe I won't go to school. No, that's not right, you would have wanted me to go. 

Want me to go. You're not gone yet. 

I'm not going to become some teenage delinquent just because you're not there. I'll keep acting normal, even if everyone else doesn't understand why I do. I think you would. Odd for your personality, but you really understood everything so well, even back when our lives were in danger and we were tired and scared and crying over those who had died. You didn't cry then. I hope I don't cry now. Yet somehow…I don't feel scared. But it really will be weird without my best friend. That's right, best friend. I can't really remember how long we've been best friends now…ha, me with a best friend. That would've been a joke in the fifth grade. But it's reality now. At least it will be for a little while longer…I don't know how much longer you have. But I know tomorrow I won't see you anymore. I won't meet you after school to walk partway home with you. I won't eat lunch with you and watch you wolf down your box lunch. I don't really know what I'll do. I never exactly imagined my best friend dying, you know? The only time I ever imagined you, of all people, dead, was when I saw your prone, beaten figure lying on the dirt after being hit by Piedmon. You believed in me, and clung to a strand of life to wait for me, just like you're waiting right now. But I'm not coming this time. I really want to tell you how good it felt to be believed in. I want to tell you thank you for always being there for me and sorry for the times I didn't believe in you or all the times I hurt you or made you mad. I wish now that I wasn't too late, because I just can't go now.

The phone's ringing again…I think I need to disconnect it. And the answering machine. It's Hikari's voice. Again. She says that you've started to cry, you're losing your unshakable faith in me, and please come, because you need to say goodbye before…

I wish you wouldn't cry. I hate seeing you cry. I've only seen you cry twice, and once was in the Digital World. But you cried when Miko died. Your cat was old, it was only natural, but it was heartbreaking for you and your sister. 

[Oniichan, what's wrong with Miko? Why's he lying all funny?]

[I dunno…Miko, hey Miko, old buddy, what's wrong? What…he's…all stiff…]

I'll never forget the horror in your eyes when you realized the truth. Nor can I forget Hikari's screams of terror and pain as you forcibly dragged her away. [No Miko!! Don't leave! Hold on, we'll get a doctor!] Will she cry and scream for you to come back to her as a nurse gently leads her away from your…corpse. I don't want to think about that. Back then, you wouldn't let her see you cry. Instead I got to see your quiet sobs later, as memories of happier times shared with Miko played in your head. Oh God, like my times with you are playing in my head right now. 

We would babysit Takeru and Hikari back when they were still little kids, and cause more trouble than they did…like the time we were teaching them to cook and you dared me to stick our faces close to the hot stove and our hair gel was flammable…

We sang together at a school duet contest because I made you because I wanted to be a singer with you in my group but you almost blew the gym away…so then you made me try out for the soccer team and you found out exactly why I would never play soccer with you…

We would go over to your place and play video games after school and I would kick your butt, and then you would kick mine, and then Hikari would come and kick both of ours…

And then there was the time I told my mother that I wanted to be in a rock band during a visit and we got into the nastiest argument…she shouted that she wouldn't let Takeru near me if I was part of a punk group and stormed out of the apartment…I was so scared I called you and you could hear my voice shaking and came running to hug me while I cried and told me everything would be all right…

And it was. But nothing will be all right anymore. And now I've started crying. The world is scary now without you in it. Can I weep like a baby? Because I'm so afraid right now I can't do anything else. I'm such an idiot…I know you're holding on for me. I'm so sorry. Seeing your crying face…seeing your weakened body…feeling your fading spirit and fear…I can't take it. I won't remember you like that. In my mind forever, you'll be strong like you were every day. You'll be alive and laughing and warm and alive. Tomorrow they'll ask me why I wasn't there for you, why I didn't help hold your hand until it turned cold and lifeless. They won't understand why I can't see you that way…I hope you understand. You always did. 


End file.
